Genuine love means respecting the humanity of the other person, wanting what is best for him or her and supporting the other person’s self-esteem and independence.
Abuse is the opposite of love, if a person abuses you; they are demonstrating that they only care about themselves.
Sometimes abusive relationships are easy to identify; other times the abuse may take subtle forms. The examples shown here can help you identify traits of abusive and healthy relationships. In general, abusive relationships have a serious power imbalance, with the abuser controlling or attempting to control most aspects of life. Healthy relationships share responsibility and decision-making tasks and reflect respect for all the people in the relationship, including children.
(an excerpt out of my book The Relationship Magnet)
Does the person you love…
- Try to control you by being very bossy or demanding?
- Behave violently and / or loses their temper quickly?
- Blame you for their emotional state or behaviour?
- Have a history of bad relationships?
- Constantly keep track of your time?
- Act jealous and possessive?
- Accuse you of being unfaithful or flirting?
- Isolate you by discouraging your relationships with friends and family?
- Prevent or discourage you from working, interacting with friends or attending school?
- Make you walk on eggshells? I.e. do you frequently worry about how they will react to what you do or say?
- Constantly criticize or belittle you?
- Control all finances and force you to account for what you spend?
- Humiliate you in front of others? (Including ‘jokes’ or constantly ‘taking the piss’ at your expense.)
- Destroy or take your personal property or sentimental items?
- Has affairs?
- Threaten to hurt you, your children or pets? Threaten to use a weapon?
- Push, hit, slap, punch, kick, or bite you or your children?
- Force you to have sex against your will, or demand sexual acts you are uncomfortable with
If you are experiencing any of the above on an ongoing basis, it may be time for you to take a serious look at your relationship and decide what to do about it. It’s very sad how so many people actually think that this type of behaviour in a relationship is normal, I did and thankfully one day I woke up when I read a list just like this. Today my relationship and life is very different. What changed it all for me was when I became aware of what relationships are meant to be like and when I realised that I wanted and deserved so much more!!