I welcome the opportunity for the media to portray a different perspective.
My blog today has been inspired by yet another article in the news about a man who has murdered his wife, with an axe!!!! – 124 times she was struck. The news has portrayed it that he was stressed out, had a massive mortgage and was pushed over the edge when she asked him for a divorce. The media has once again portrayed the ‘poor stressed out man’ issue and the woman just being invisible. Not once did they even show empathy about her, how her life was devastated, destroyed and how it ended because of him.
When will the media focus on the fact that stress needs to be managed by the person experiencing the stress. Every single person needs to take responsibility for their own bad behaviour and crap that goes on in their lives. And when oh when will they portray the fact that stress is not a reason nor an excuse to justify you beating your spouse or your children or murdering them.
I would like to pose this question, if you are completely stressed out at work, will you become abusive to your boss or your colleague, or would you exert self-control over your actions? Why then is it deemed okay to lose control with your spouse or your children?
I wrote this a while ago and I think its very relevant to insert this here as clearly the media needs to wake up and start focussing on the actual issues at hand and stop making excuses for these murderers actions.
Myths and Facts Regarding Abusive Relationships
Myth: She provokes his abuse through her nagging or unreasonable demands.
Fact: While these may be annoying, they are not an excuse for violence. After all, it is not acceptable to hit shop assistants, motorists or others merely because they annoy us.
Myth: Domestic violence is caused by alcohol or substance abuse.
Fact: While drugs and alcohol can aggravate violent behaviour, they do not cause it. Many violent men abuse women regardless of whether they are drunk or sober.
Myth: Both partners are responsible for the abuse. (“It takes two to tango.” / “There are two sides to every story.”)
Fact: Domestic violence occurs when an imbalance of power exists in a relationship. This imbalance is maintained by behaviour designed to control or exert power over the other through emotional and physical abuse which undermines self-esteem and enforces subservience. For the person in the powerless position, almost anything they do – including trying to protect or defend themselves – can be interpreted as provocation.
Myth: Men who commit violence in the home do so because they are stressed at work or as a result of unemployment, poverty or other problems.
Fact: Everyone experiences problems and feelings of powerlessness. It is not acceptable to take your frustrations out on your wife or girlfriend, or to attempt to reassert your self-esteem by exerting power over them.
Myth: Men who beat their wives or girlfriends are provoked into a temporary loss of control and are, therefore, not responsible for their actions.
Fact: These same men often control their actions when they are with other people and would never consider being violent with colleagues or friends. Because abusers may be respected and well-liked community members, people often disbelieve the abused women.
Myth: If it was so bad, the woman would just leave.
Fact: There are many reasons why women find it difficult to leave abusive relationships. Many women are financially dependent on their abusers and worry about the survival of their children. An abuser often threatens that if the woman leaves; he will kill her or himself, or harm the children or her family. An abused woman often internalizes the abuser’s accusations that she is to blame. Abuse often happens in cycles during which there may be periods of apology and non-violence. An abused woman may desperately want to believe that the abuser has changed or will change.
All of us are responsible for our own behaviour, good or bad. Your feelings come from the way you interpret events and life and from your beliefs. Your behaviour and actions are the manifestations of those feelings and beliefs. If your behaviour is bad, then something internally within yourself needs attention. You have to ask yourself what is going on within your own mind and your own feelings which results in behaviour that not only hurts others, but yourself as well. Your bad behaviour is no one else’s fault, no one else is to blame but you. Take control of your own life.
My wish is that one day the media will be helpful when writing these stories instead of making excuses and condoning and justifying this man’s behaviour.